Advice round-up: 23 Sexual Healing columns on threesomes, desire and sexual pain

The Guardian’s collection of 23 Sexual Healing advice columns tackles a wide range of intimate problems readers sent in, from fantasies about threesomes to persistent sexual pain. Common themes include the need for clear, non‑judgmental communication and careful negotiation around non‑monogamy or kinks.

Writers stress listening to partners, respecting boundaries and avoiding assumptions about a bisexual partner’s wishes. Many columns address physical issues: painful intercourse and tearing, possible vaginismus, and problems with penetration. Readers are urged to stop painful sex, seek professional help such as sex therapy or medical assessment, and avoid forcing penetration until problems are resolved.

Performance and physiology crop up often. Stress, sleep deprivation, alcohol and some medications can affect erection, arousal and ejaculation. Excessive or highly frictional masturbation techniques (for example using rough towels) can also make climax during intercourse difficult; therapy and retraining are suggested.

Other frequent concerns are mismatched libidos, loss of desire, and the emotional fallout of comparisons with exes. Advice ranges from positive reinforcement and specific requests to the recommendation of couples counselling when broader relationship imbalances are suspected.

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