Friend of woman with terminal cancer asks whether to tell family about pills

An inquirer in their 80s told the Guardian that an old friend with inoperable cancer has shown them a bottle of prescribed tablets she described as her "way out" and has spoken about ending her life, and asked whether they should tell the woman’s adult children. The correspondent said the friend has limited mobility, is housebound and has talked before about wanting to end life while still "herself"; she also feared the correspondent might be asked to help.

The columnist quoted the reply that "you cannot help her end her own life as that would be a criminal offence. So I’m glad she hasn’t asked you to do that." Clinical psychologist Andrew Balfour told the writer he detected a great deal of "anxiety, loss and grief" in the letter and suggested the pills may represent a way for the friend to try to regain control and to signal that she is scared.

Balfour advised the correspondent to find someone to talk with about their own feelings, and to consider whether the friend’s palliative care team or someone in her medical team could offer psychological support, while timing any approach carefully to avoid increasing her anxiety.

Key Topics

Health, Terminal Cancer, Palliative Care, Assisted Suicide, Andrew Balfour, Samaritans