I always make the effort to see my friends. Don’t they value me?

A man in his 50s says his female friends seem genuinely happy when they meet and usually accept his invitations, yet rarely initiate contact between gatherings. Months can go by with no message, which leaves him wondering whether they are true friends and whether he is doing something wrong.

He is single after a nearly 30-year relationship, was isolated and depressed during Covid, and has been rebuilding his life—joining a running club, quitting drinking, changing jobs and moving—and making new connections has felt like a major improvement. Psychotherapist Gabrielle Rifkind suggests reframing the issue as an “I’m better resourced” problem rather than an “If I didn’t, who would?” one.

Some people are more confident and comfortable organizing social plans, while others have their own networks or prefer to be more passive; that can leave the same person doing the organising repeatedly.

friendship, loneliness, mental health, psychotherapist, gabrielle rifkind, covid, running club, quitting drinking, social organizer, single life