Michelle Law recalls Cantonese warning against choosing beauty over safety

Michelle Law says her mother repeatedly used a Cantonese idiom — 要靚唔要命 jiu leng m jiu ming — which she translates literally as “you want beauty, you don’t want life” to criticise people who put appearance ahead of safety.

Law, an Australian writer, frames the idiom against her own risk-averse upbringing: she describes never smoking or doing drugs, avoiding drunkenness, disliking jaywalking and generally preferring sensible choices her mother praised, like wearing a jacket and double-tying shoelaces.

In her teens and early 20s she rebelled, chasing looks and trends despite the consequences — early removal of braces for photos, fashion choices in winter, and nail treatments that led to infections — actions her mother found horrifying.

By her late 20s Law shifted toward practicality, favouring wardrobe basics with pockets and sun protection. After becoming a mother she prioritised sunscreen, a large nappy bag and leggings over fashion, and chose soft, breathable onesies for her son to avoid irritating his eczema.

She says the idiom also reflects a broader cultural focus on longevity and practicality, and expects to pass the warning on to her son when he is old enough.

Law is the author of the book Sh*t Asian Mothers Say.

Key Topics

Culture, United States, Parenting, Chinese Idiom, Beauty, Risk Aversion, Michelle Law