My partner refuses to do financial planning — what do I do?

A reader who has been with his partner for nearly ten years says their personal finance paths have diverged. He spent six or seven years learning to manage money—handling debt, saving, and investing—while his partner has largely stayed in the same place, avoiding conversations about future goals, deflecting, or getting defensive.

He describes her as a "money avoider" and feels like he’s paddling the canoe alone. The columnist cautions that partners are different people growing at different rates, and that compromise helps with many things but not always with finances. You’re either saving for retirement or you aren’t, and the key question is whether you’re in the same boat or on separate journeys.

If you truly have separate finances, you can keep moving forward on your own, but her approach will still affect you, so supporting her without making it your burden is important. If you want to share goals, the columnist suggests teaching her how to paddle rather than forcing your methods on her.