Pamela Stephenson-Connolly offers advice on threesomes, orgasm and pain

The Guardian has compiled 23 of Pamela Stephenson-Connolly’s Sexual Healing columns addressing readers’ sexual and relationship problems, covering issues such as requests for threesomes, very high-frequency sex, masturbation after intercourse, premature ejaculation, inability to orgasm, mismatched desire, fetishes, vaginismus and pain during penetration.

Across the letters, Stephenson-Connolly’s advice is practical and relationship-focused: listen to partners and have frank, non-judgmental conversations; prioritise pleasure over sheer quantity; stop if sex is painful; teach partners how you like to be touched and praise small efforts; and negotiate parity in sexual interests rather than assuming desires. She also highlights the importance of setting firm boundaries when attraction to others creates risk.

When issues may have medical or psychological causes, the columns recommend seeking professional help — for example from a sex therapist, couples counselling or medical advice — and note possibilities such as vaginismus, effects of sleep deprivation or alcohol on erectile function, medication-related orgasmic problems, and the impact of specific masturbation techniques. Outcomes, the pieces say, depend on improved communication, negotiation and appropriate treatment where needed.

Key Topics

Health, Pamela Stephenson-connolly, Threesome, Orgasm, Vaginismus, Masturbation