I swore I'd never buy my kid a cellphone — then I changed my mind at 11

As a parenting and health writer who has covered the mental-health risks of phones, I had vowed not to buy my child one. Over time I reminded myself that every child is different and that I am the expert on my own kid. When my son turned 11, I decided to get him a phone.

He began asking around age 9, telling me that “everyone” in his class had one. We tried workarounds — using his iPad and Messenger Kids, texting other parents to arrange hangouts, and letting him use my phone under supervision — but the uncertainty about when he would get a phone became a real source of stress and started to hurt his confidence in social situations.

I separated the social-media question from the phone decision: social platforms are a hard no for years, while calling and texting were allowed. On his birthday a buried gift phone rang; he opened it in tears and then spent the next few weeks using regular, supervised texts to connect with friends.