The stranger secret: how to talk to anyone – and why you should

Two small encounters — a woman in her 70s who sat opposite me on a mostly empty train and a shy waitress from Seoul at a family meal — made me notice how rare these fleeting connections have become. Later, when my 15-year-old asked whether it was ever OK to talk to people that way, I realised many of us rely on an unwritten code to judge whether to risk a conversation.

Everyday exchanges have dwindled for obvious reasons: headphones, phones, social media, more people working from home, touchscreens at takeaways, the pandemic and a kind of ‘‘social norm reinforcement’’ that makes silence feel normal. Personal factors — neurodivergence, introversion, difficulty with eye contact or a hatred of small talk — also play a part, and some still hide behind their phones or ‘‘phantom phone use’’ to avoid contact.

That loss matters because speaking with strangers is a basic skill that needs practice.

South Korea, Seoul

stranger, conversation, small talk, social media, headphones, phones, pandemic, introversion, neurodivergence, eye contact