UW professor shares science-backed takeaways for having better sex

Dr. Nicole McNichols, who teaches the most popular human sexuality course at the University of Washington, outlined her key takeaways on improving sex in a conversation for The New York Times Modern Love podcast and in her new book, You Could Be Having Better Sex. Drawing on years of research and teaching to more than 4,000 students a year, McNichols emphasizes that pleasure matters for wellbeing, and that many common lessons about sex are incomplete.

She advises clear communication before and during sex, offers a target frequency of about once a week for couples (with planned encounters shown to be as pleasurable as spontaneous ones in diary studies), and recommends introducing small changes — “micro-novelty” such as different rooms or times — roughly once a month to boost relationship satisfaction.

On casual sex, McNichols says outcomes depend on motivation: when people pursue it for autonomous reasons like play or experimentation it can be positive, whereas seeking something deeper without asking for it can lead to poor results. She notes the mixed experiences people report — about a third find casual sex unsatisfying, a third find it great, and a third feel it is a bit of both — and that gender differences in enjoyment disappear when orgasm is accounted for.

Her conversation and edited takeaways present practical, research-backed tips, and her book offers further guidance.

Key Topics

Health, Nicole Mcnichols, Modern Love, Human Sexuality, Casual Sex, Sexual Pleasure