Adam Sandler lists 10 comic signs he’s ‘f------ old’ while accepting AARP honor

People reports that Adam Sandler, 59, received the Career Achievement Award at the AARP Movies for Grownups Awards on Jan. 10 and used his acceptance speech to give 10 reasons he knows he’s “f------- old.”

Onstage, Sandler delivered a series of self-deprecating jokes and anecdotes, saying “Number one, the other day, I had to swallow a Viagra just to take a piss,” and that he had to call his doctor “because of piss lasting for more than four hours.” He quipped, “When I sit down, it sounds like a semi-truck driving over a family of lobsters cracking their knuckles and eating Pop Rocks,” and added that “my tongue only has one taste bud left.” He also joked about using very large text, needing “a Dude Wipes on my pee-hole,” back skin that “stays floating on top of the water,” toenails like “a box of Crayola crayons,” calling Depend about sweatpants, and “my testicles are sagging so low that I now have to walk while wearing four shoes.”

Sandler turned to his work habits in another gag, saying he only stays awake for eight minutes when previewing Academy Awards screeners while pressing play on dozens of films. He closed on a more earnest note, saying, “I don't know how much time I have left: 60, 70 years, 80 tops, maybe 90 if I start working out and taking creatine,” and promising to make “at least 50 more movies before I am dead, and at least 25 of them will be good.”

Key Topics

Culture, Adam Sandler, Aarp, Career Achievement Award, Academy Awards, Dude Wipes