Adult child seeks way to help mother estranged from her brother

A reader says their mother and her brother have been estranged for a year and that attempts at reconciliation have failed.

The reader reports that the mother calls frequently to vent and asks for advice about getting the uncle to apologize. The mother insists the uncle is entirely at fault; the reader suspects otherwise and says she sends transcripts of their conversations with sections missing. The reader also says the mother's behavior has previously damaged close relationships and that they try to stay out of it to avoid her anger, even though the estrangement upsets her deeply.

The columnist, drawing on a similar family experience, says some people fortify fragile self‑esteem by insisting they are always right and that gentle suggestions—that conflicts rarely end with one person's total victory—might help, though the columnist is not optimistic given the selective transcripts. The columnist also advises taking breaks when the mother becomes wearing and focusing on her good qualities instead of trying to change her.

What happens next is unclear: the reader doubts reconciliation if the mother refuses to acknowledge any blame and insists on an apology. The columnist emphasizes that people rarely change for others and suggests the reader may need to change how they respond, including stepping back at times.

Key Topics

Culture, Familial Estrangement, Adult Child, Family Dynamics, Conflict Resolution, Reconciliation