Can being codependent in a relationship actually be a good thing?

Many people want deeper connections but disagree about how close is too close. Dating advice often casts intimacy as a tightrope — pull back or push for more and either move can be read as a red flag. In The Balancing Act, therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab challenges common myths about connection, distinguishes healthy and unhealthy dependency, and shows how we can lean on others without losing ourselves.

Tawwab argues you can’t learn to be with others in isolation. Skills such as knowing what you like, managing disagreements and dealing with trust are learned in relationships; without practice, you won’t develop them. Lessons from friendships, work and family are transferable to romances, and seeking connection offers opportunities to grow rather than to retreat into solitude.

Dependency and even enmeshment aren’t automatically harmful, she says: becoming enmeshed with someone can be useful for a time. It becomes unhealthy when one person is over-reliant, loses their identity or expects a partner to meet every need.

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