Couple wants guests to cover groceries at their cabin; columnist urges clarity

A married couple told the New York Times Social Q’s column (Jan. 28, 2026) that they own a recreational property they use several weeks a year and want guests to cover groceries during visits, but they are unsure how to do so without asking and feel awkward when guests expect costs to be split.

The couple said they provide accommodations at their cabin and assume guests will gladly cover other expenses such as food, but staying silent about terms leaves them resentful when guests treat costs as equal shares. They also said bringing up the cabin’s value after the fact feels awkward.

The Host replied that the best way to avoid misunderstandings is to be clear about the terms of an invitation up front, and that the more unusual the terms, the more important it is to be direct. The Host added that “No host has ever asked me to pay for all the food and drink during my visit, as you and your husband envision.

And I have never expected that from any houseguest.” The column noted that among friends, hospitality is typically a gift rather than an item on a spreadsheet, and that asking guests to cover living expenses for staying at the cabin is more akin to an Airbnb arrangement than a weekend with friends.

new york times social q’s, philip galanes, miguel porlan, cabin groceries payment, ask guests to pay groceries, splitting cabin costs, cost-splitting expectations, cover groceries during visits, clarify invitation terms, hospitality as gift, airbnb arrangement, houseguest expectations, provide accommodations at cabin, second home costs, awkward to ask, bring up cabin value, lodgings versus groceries, transactional hosting approach, friends versus airbnb, price of hospitality, split costs equally, guest grocery reimbursement