Experts give practical steps to revive intimacy during sexual dry spells

Sex and relationship specialists say sexual ‘dry spells’ are common and can be worked through rather than taken as a sign something is fundamentally wrong. “Every couple goes through dry spells. It doesn’t mean either of you is broken,” says Dr Tammy Nelson, a sex and couples therapist.

The piece notes several reasons desire can ebb: the end of the intense limerence stage (which Dr Laurie Mintz says typically lasts six months to two years), the pressures of careers, childcare, caregiving and health changes, and individual issues such as depression that Dr Orna Guralnik says can strip away the ability to take pleasure.

Dr Sara Nasserzadeh recommends naming low desire as a phase or season rather than a failure. Practical suggestions in the article include changing sexual language and expectations (Mintz urges broader definitions of ‘sex’ and rethinking the role of ‘foreplay’), embracing responsive desire or scheduling sex (Mintz and Dan Savage), small affectionate touches without an agenda (Nasserzadeh), and creating rituals or transitions to signal time for intimacy (Nelson).

Other tips include experimenting within boundaries (“Be GGG,” Savage), using toys or vibrators (Mintz), addressing pain or dryness with medical help and lubricant, trying different locations or times, and agreeing a simple contract so any advance can stop whenever a partner wants (Guralnik).

Key Topics

Health, Sexual Dry Spells, Tammy Nelson, Laurie Mintz, Dan Savage, Vibrators