Family treats grievances with unexpected kindness, citing 'heap coals of fire'

Meg Keneally recalls that her family dealt with insults and grievances not by retaliation but by overwhelming the offender with kindness. Her father told her: “Be nice to them,” and to “Give your tormentors so much sweetness that they develop diabetes.” As a teenager she initially resisted the advice while recounting taunts about her weight, chest, and a bad home perm.

Her mother urged retribution, but trying her father’s approach produced unexpected results and, over time, she came to see being exceedingly nice as a pathway to peace. She says the practice helped her stop keeping an emotional ledger, though she admits she does not always get it right and that there are times when one must fight.

Thomas Keneally connects the family phrase to a line in Proverbs: “if thine enemy be hungry, give him bread to eat; and if he be thirsty, give him water to drink. For you shall heap coals of fire upon his head …” He says the image was used in his family to justify long-held grievances and notes he later learnt of the biblical source.

He also mentions a violent historical punishment, pitch-capping during the 1798 Irish revolt, to underline the literal image, but stresses neither his aunt nor the Bible meant literal coals. Both writers present the “coals of fire” idea as a tactic that bemuses or embarrasses an adversary and can promote reconciliation.

Key Topics

Culture, Meg Keneally, Thomas Keneally, Bible, Pitch-capping