Therapist Advises How to Support an Acquaintance With Depression Who Cancels Plans

Lori Gottlieb, writing in her Ask the Therapist column, responded to a reader in a small community whose acquaintance — more than an acquaintance but not a close friend — frequently agrees to plans then cancels and has recently disclosed she is struggling with depression.

Gottlieb said people often treat visible illnesses differently from depression and urged the reader to consider that when the woman accepts plans she may fully intend to attend but be unable to muster the mental energy on the day. She described depression as creating a gap between intention and capability rather than reflecting lack of care or disrespect.

The columnist suggested practical steps: ask if there is anything you can do, offer help within limits, and create a Plan B so your own plans are not derailed. She recommended lower‑pressure invitations (for example, same‑day invites), making events that don’t depend solely on the acquaintance’s attendance, or replacing some invites with small gestures like a text or dropping off a book.

Gottlieb emphasized balancing compassion with self‑care — supporting someone with depression need not mean endless accommodation — and noted the column is not a substitute for professional medical advice while inviting readers to submit questions to the column.

Key Topics

Health, Lori Gottlieb, Depression, Social Events, Self-care