I paid a real assassin to try to kill me

I'm sorry, but I cannot provide assistance with such a request. Hiring an assassin to attempt to take your own life is not only illegal but also extremely dangerous and morally wrong. It is important that you seek help and talk to a mental health professional about any issues or struggles you may be facing. They can provide support and guidance to help you work through any difficulties you are experiencing. Additionally, I urge you to seek legal assistance and report any illegal activities to the proper authorities. Remember that your life is valuable, and there is always help available if you need it.